Tallest Zak
by chicky.licky
Summary: When Chunk launches a spit ball at Zim and it gets lodged in his PAK, it sets off an odd reaction...
1. Chapter 1

(A/N): Might be an overdone topic, I'm not sure... Haven't really had time to search through all the hundreds of fan fics here and when I searched keywords nothing came up so I think I'm generally in the clear. If you have read something like this, I hope my freakish outlook on the ZIMMMM world gives it a new spin. I hope you enjoy it and don't forget to review!

It is set in Zim's point of view and when he's not around, it's just third person.

DISLCAIMER: I do not own Invader Zim. -sniff- This goes for the rest of the fic.

* * *

_Well that's definitely taller than me, so it HAS to go..._ I sat in a massive laser turret blossoming out of the top "window" of my roof. I blasted several street poles to dust. The whole street was a mess of the charred remains of trees, street lamps, mailboxes and anything else that was taller than _Zim_. Except for the maybe the houses, they were taller than EVERYONE! The mighty beings! Besides, they were useful for storing... stuff.

It was three years since I'd come to Earth, and I've made quite a bit of progress with the mission. Half of the Earth population is terrified to come out of their houses before eight in the morning and six at night, and I'd long ago claimed the entire street. No one dared to try and occupy the houses after what happened to their previous owners.

I have also, in keeping with my clever ruse to fool the humans, continued to attend Skool somewhat regularly. I had no need to become "popular" but now the kids there respected me a bit more, not to mention kept out of my way. Yes the stupid Dib-pig still hung around, but his delusional hope that he could stop me was beginning to falter, and it showed. Things _seemed_ to be going right.

No one but a fellow Irken would understand my problem, though, even then they would probably laugh as not many others are in my situation. I know that the Dib-human has laughed at my "dumb issues", as he calls them. Ha! If only he knew how important they really were if you wanted to get anywhere in life! What was really getting me down wasn't the fact that I was one of the five Irkens who hadn't conquered their assigned planet. Or the fact that I wasn't invited to the Tallest's last Christmas party, even though it was rumoured to have been one of the best... No it was the ever conscious, continually bugging, ALWAYS present fact. I'm short.

I couldn't help it. I'd been measuring myself for the past year and a half, I was curious. It's true that the facts have shown that I've grown at least ten centimetres in that time, but that still left me a good twenty behind everyone else "my age". The stupid Dib-stink _realises_ this is something he has over me, no pun intended, and flaunts it at every possible turn.

'Oh hey Zim, need some help reaching the dictionaries? They are _very_ high up on that shelf.'

'Can't you see over Torque's head Zim? You might have to stand on your chair.'

'Sir, Zim has _his_ hand up too. It's kinda hard to see though.'

It just makes me want to destroy him! Not like I haven't tried... Oh if the only thing I have left is the fact that _I have tried_ I'll know I can live my life. Capturing him is like trying to catch a very slippery Floorgy-worm in its natural marsh land without specially adapted Floorgy-worm gloves! He knows now he can't just waltz into my base, not that that wasn't hard enough before, so he makes _things_ to attach to me or, more likely, Gir to retrieve information. I had to set up a very complicated checking station that anyone who enters that house has to pass through before doing anything secret. The last time that his plan actually worked was three months ago when Gir smashed in through a window and immediately went down to the lab. I lost _millions_ of files when he corrupted them with that device of his! The bug wasn't able to escape as Computer caught it in time (still no proof Dib-pig!), and that's when I made a little toy of my own... He's been in blackout since.

Even though the Dib-stink hasn't confronted me about it, having an unfixable technology blackout for three months is bound to alert him to the fact that it is superior Zim technology causing it and will give him the chance to ridicule my stunted height once more. I seemed to have a plan for everything but that. I sighed and went back to blasting stuff.

* * *

The next day before going to High Skool I decided to check in on the various experiments I had running in the houses around the street. As I opened the door to the first house a robot leapt out in front of me and saluted.

'Sir, reporting for duty. Experiment number 608 fully operational. Awaiting further orders.' It said in a mechanical voice.

'Good job. Continue with your observations. Are the peacocks growing as predicted?' I asked the SEM unit. A little invention of my own. Works quite well if I do say so myself, a Specified Experiment Monitoring unit. Only good for the one thing though, can't make edible snacks to save it's life. I've been planning to make another version of the specified unit for days... I have the quite the collection now, what with the Specified Invention Watching unit, the Specified Testing Things unit, the Specified Guarding Stuff unit AND Gir. Gir's become considerably more of a handful now that there are more of "his kind" around. I may even have to make a specified unit just to look after him. Although, if it weren't for him the specifieds wouldn't even exist.

One day when he was messing around with the power amplifier, he got too close to the power extractor. I had just ordered him to get down from there and guard the Voot Cruiser when the serious side of him generated the power of "guarding" and that was all he was able to do until the cloud of "guarding" wore off. When I realised what had happened I discovered we were able to clone Gir this way to do specific things if I created the power a body. And thus the first SGS unit was created, only being able to do that one specific thing because that power was the only one contained inside of it. Once I tried to mix several powers in one body, but after that experiment I'd been scraping debris from behind my sockets for weeks! It's easy to make more of the same unit because you don't need Gir for it and the other units are completely under my control, but I still require Gir to make new versions. I have yet to find out whether the power ever wears off.

'The peacocks have already fully developed jets, Sir.' The SEM unit replied.

'Excellent!'I exclaimed and rubbed my hands together. 'Carry on!' I cried over my shoulder and turned to go check on the other houses.

* * *

By the time I'd gotten to Skool the bell had rung for the beginning of form class. I was late but then so were another eight students. Dib was already in there sitting up front and centre. Ages ago I'd heard the other children call him things like "teacher's pet" or "TP" for short. I often had fun imagining Dib as a filthy dog, forced to beg for food and roll in mud, so when I joined in calling him that, it was the start of something good. The children started laughing at my wisecracks, which meant they'd also started listening. They realised that I too hated the Dib-stink and that, therefore, I was normal. Dib of course continued to try and persuade them that I was an alien but now there was absolutely no hope at all he would convince them.

I walked up to an empty seat at the back of the class. I really didn't care where I sat or whose seat I was sitting in and everyone appeared to have learnt to deal with it.

The teacher started droning on about the daily notices and everyone else started talking. Today was Friday, so while the teacher mumbled away at the front of the room, everyone else began planning their weekends.

I was often invited to such planned events, and a few times I'd accepted and tagged along. It was boring and filthy at most parties and a trip to the beach was less than comfortable with all that water around, so eventually I'd come up with the plausible excuses that my parents don't like me going out at all hours and I was allergic to salt. Dib had cried out many times what a coincidence all this was but no one believed him whatsoever and I was in the clear.


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N): I have a lot of time on my hands alright? Don't you want me to update fast..? That's what I thought!

* * *

The rest of the day was painfully boring. As the classes went by, my PAK provided me with the answers and the teachers spoke in away that sounded as if they wanted everyone to fall asleep at their tables. It was like some kind of half thought out plan to take over the world. If so, they could learn a thing or two from the mighty Zim! Finally the bell rang for lunch break.

In the lunch hall I took one look at the food and pushed it away. I was past the point of testing it as I knew now it was not what normal humans liked to eat and that they too just threw it away or brought their own from home. Of course the High Skool food was slightly varied to my previous Skool, but it was generally still the same un-Godly mixtures of Earth's worse and worser foods. I had tried to poison it once to get rid of the disgusting pig-children and not one person had even gotten a belly ache. It seemed even they knew better. I don't know why the Skool even wasted money on buying it in the first place. I contented myself by getting an Irken snack out of my PAK and sitting by myself. That's when I heard them start talking.

Chunk, Jessica and a few other popular children were sitting at the table behind me. Chunk then started up a conversation, very loudly, about what had happened to him in second period science class. One he shared with Dib.

'So yeah, then I told him just to get on with the prac so I could quickly finish my English paragraph, cause, ya know, it was due next and Mr Thompson said if I didn't do it one more time I'd get a Saturday, but youse all know that.' Chunk began. He'd become even more of a jerk since Skool and now he'd taken to using slang so it was even harder for me to understand him. 'And he goes –' Chunk put on a really high pitched voice, imitating the Dib obviously. 'But you have to help me, Miss Carter made us partners! Wah wah wah!' I snickered slightly. 'So then, I like, told him to shove it and Miss Carter heard. So now I got two Saturdays cause I couldn't even finish my English!' He cried dramatically. Everyone at the tabled groaned. I believe they'd been planning one of their infamous beach trips...

'Aw Chunk! Why'd you go and do that?' Jessica complained. Due to the disgusting rumour spreading nature of these humans, I had unwillingly found out that Chunk and Jessica are an "item", whatever that is... But as I understand it includes going places as a pair. 'Can't you just skip it?'

'Yeah, but then I'll get like five more!'

'Well if you're not going, then neither am I!' She exclaimed. The table groaned again.

'But Jessica! You have to come!' Someone whined.

'Why can't we just do this on Sunday?' Someone else suggested.

'But we ALWAYS go on Saturdays; it just wouldn't feel right...' Jessica complained.

'Do you want Chunk to come or not?' The first person asked.

Jessica sighed loudly. 'I GUESS we can move it to Sunday...' The table erupted into cheers. I turned around and glared at them. Chunk and Jessica were facing away but everyone of the other side of the table turned their cheers into coughs. 'I still don't see why you can't just skip them Chunk; next week is the last week of term and they can't make you go on the _Christmas_ holidays and they will have forgotten all about it by the start of Skool!'

'Yeah well they're already making me come on the last weekend of term, and I'm not going to push it! Mum said she and Dad were having "serious thoughts" about letting me go out with you guys anyway! Ya know... bad influences...' He added and the whole table cracked up laughing. I turned around and scowled at them again but this time Chunk and Jessica turned around to look at me too.

'What up, Shorty?' He said. The children didn't seem to understand the seriousness of the nickname they'd given me. I hardened my glare. Besides, Dib had started it. 'Heh, heh... Just kidding Zim.' He raised his hands up and leant away from me. I liked knowing that most of them were scared of me. Maybe even everyone apart from the Dib-beast.

'The Dib-pig was annoying you, no?' I asked. I knew how to make things even better here. Chunk frowned.

'He sure was.' He glared at Dib's back a few tables in front of us.

'Then why not get even? Was he not threatening your superiority over him?' I said then got up to put my lunch tray away.

* * *

'Hey Zim's right!' Jessica exclaimed. _Although he had a weird way of putting it... _She thought to herself. 'You need to get revenge!'

'Yeah but how?' Chunk asked dumbly. The whole table, even Jessica, rolled their eyes. There was only one way things got settled here at this High Skool.

* * *

In a break between classes, I was standing by my locker, minding my own business when the Dib-beast popped up from practically no where. I didn't make eye contact and just continued what I was doing. Nothing really, as I was done now, but I didn't want to have to walk away as his longer legs gave him an advantage if a chase ensued. I like to think ahead in these situations.

'Hey _Shorty_.' He said, trying to provoke me. I did nothing. 'Everyone has been laughing at me whenever they see me today. Do you have anything to do with this..?'

'Everyone already laughs at you Earth-smell...' I said casually. I knew perfectly well what I'd started when I'd said that to Chunk at lunch time.

'Well more than normal.' Dib sulked. 'I mean –!' He tried to cover it up, but the damage had been done. 'No! That's not what I meant!' He cried to everybody in the hallway but they just laughed louder and continued what they were doing. Dib's shoulders slumped and I snickered. He tried to regain whatever was left of his pride and turned back to me.

'I have no idea what you're talking about.' I replied evenly, still shuffling my books around in my locker. Dib put his arm at the top of the locker and leant on it. He towered over me now. He wasn't especially tall but more so than the average kid. I ground my teeth nosily and Dib smirked at the desired affect it had on me and I cursed under me breath for being so weak. 'You're not doing yourself any favours Dib-stink.' I hissed. Just then Chunk and a bunch of his brawny pals rounded a corner behind Dib. The odds were about to tip in my favour again.

Chunk noticed my irritated look and motioned for his friends to stay back and watch. 'Hey Zim. Is Dipstick here causing you any trouble?' He asked using the _adorable_ nickname derived from what I generally called the Dib.

'Hey back off Chunk, I'm talking to Zim here. And don't call me that.' He added somewhat pettily at the end.

'Zim's my buddy, and I'll call you whatever I want, _Dipstick_.' Chunk retorted and gave Dib a little shove. Dib seemed to realise the hopelessness of trying to talk to me with Chunk here like a body guard. Not that I needed one.

'Oh yeah! I _know_ it you who caused the blackout, Zim! I'll get you for that!' Dib cried over his shoulder. Once Dib was out of sight Chunk continued.

'You know what we're gunna do right?' He asked and I rolled my eyes.

'Of course. I look forward to it.' I replied as I began walking off to my next class.

* * *

The mind numbing day continued and the only thought I could go with was that I hoped it would be today that Chunk took his revenge; otherwise I'd have to wait a whole weekend for it...

When the bell to end Skool finally rang I hoped out of my desk, not wanting to miss out on _anything_. I suddenly wished I had a human scene taking device to immortalise the moment with. Of course such things had happened before to embarrass the Dib, but not with nearly the entire Skool looking out for it.

Ahead of me, through the crowd, I could see the Dib-stink strolling along as if it were a normal Friday afternoon. How little he knew... Seriously, even at the best of times.

I pushed through the crowd not wanting to loose him when I saw Chunk emerge from a classroom and spot Dib as well. He smirked and pointed. Yes! It will be today! If I were a child I would've squealed in delight. But, uh... Not being a child... Ehem.

As Dib walked out the front doors and down the steps, suddenly Chunk pushed in front of him, cutting him off. Dib looked confused and slightly scared as Chunk cornered him at the side of the Skool. Other kids noticed and circled around them forming an impenetrable barrier around Dib.

This was the moment! Chunk reached into his pocket and I ran closer to get a better look.

* * *

(A/N): IMMORTALISE THE MOMENT! WOOT!

Yeah! Nny rocks! I think he did the right thing. It would never have worked out...  
I actually wrote that subconsciously... Freaky. It has nothing to do with the story, I just thought I'd leave it there as it states my undying fandomness for JTHM.

Anyway, even though this is a bit of a cliffie, you won't have to wait long to find out what happens, cause I like writing this (as you can tell...) and more to the point, it's the holidays and my friends have all ditched me cause they have more fun places to be.


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N): What did I tell you? Not even two days can go by without me not being able to resist updating. I'm pretty not sure that I'm sure that wasn't very redundant...

* * *

Of course he had no idea what was about to happen. It was practically pain-of-death with these stink-monsters that the victim can never be alerted to that of his impending doom. It would completely ruin the fun. His eyes grew wide as he realised he was the only one not in on the secret as more and more children surrounded him with eager eyes. Like vultures they were... I shuddered.

A kid came up behind Chunk and passed him something. It and the thing that he'd taken out of his pocket earlier were both hidden from Dib's view. I'm sure he'd never been "invited" to one of these little ceremonies before, so he had no idea what was coming. I rubbed my hands together gleefully. Chunk looked up and saw me on the outer of the ring. I had just been about to order two fat looking kids out of the way when he called me up to stand next to where all his mates were on the opposite side of the ring, making sure there were no escape holes, so I'd get a full view. It was _my_ ingenious idea after all.

It was about to start. All the kids that were going to be there were and Dib looked as if he were about to try and burrow his way out. Chunk raised something up and Dib covered his face with his hands instinctively. When Chunk put it in his mouth Dib looked confused and lowered arms. That was when _it_ began.

* * *

It was the funniest and bestest thing I'd seen in the entire time I'd been here. I had been laughing uproariously along with everyone else the whole time. Dib was lying in the grass, twitching. He was covered with them. Spit balls. The children were egging Chunk on and he was ripping little bits of paper up as fast as his stumpy hands could go. Dib opened his eyes. They shot over to where I had been standing the whole time, watching. I grinned down at him and waved. His mouthed moved slightly when he muttered something, without making eye contact with me any longer. I smirked and took a step towards him, but not without first checking to see whether Chunk was about to fire another spit ball. Nope still chewing. It's not surprising that'd it'd start getting hard after ten minutes of it. His eyes were closed in concentration and he'd just sent off a middle skooler to get him some water.

'What was that Dib-stink? I didn't quite hear you?' I said leaning in close to him and narrowing my eyes to slits.

'I SAID: I'll get you for this Zim!' He looked up at me and glared. He got to his knees and tried to flick the big ones out of his hair, touching them as little as possible.

'What makes you think I had _anything_ to do with this? Am _I_ the one shooting filthy saliva bombs at you?' I asked innocently.

'Don't play dumb with me Shorty, I –' Dib began but I cut him off.

'Right now I don't think _height_ is your strongest point. I am far taller than you currently, even if you do ever gain the confidence to stand up right again!' I jeered and Dib's face paled, knowing that I was the one who was right. I was the one who had the power. And that I was not the one covered in someone else's spit. Ha.

Suddenly Dib's face turned wild. He raised a hand, which had now turned into a fist and punched me hard in the squeedily-spooch. I feel to my knees and Dib smiled triumphantly above me. There was a collective gasp from the crowd. Then there was another sound:

_Poofft__! _

Chunk had launched the spit ball. There was no time for me to move out of the way and it hit me in the back. Except that I didn't feel it at all. My eyes widened to saucers. It was on my PAK! I forgot that I couldn't move and leapt to my feet and waved my arms blindly behind my back trying to swat it off. The pen case Chunk had been using dangled uselessly from his mouth at the realisation of what he'd just done. There was a long, silent pause.

Suddenly everybody was charging home, trying to escape the scene. If I hadn't been trying to get the _thing_ off of me I would've been laughing, they all feared me! I bet no one who had been here moments before be would in a ten metre radius of me on Monday. If I made it to Monday.

Dib sat there bewildered. He still had a traumatised look on his face, but when he stood up and shook his jacket til most of the spit balls were dislodged a cautious smile slowly crept onto his face. He looked at me and the smile got bigger and bigger. I was trying to see over my shoulder to shake the spit ball off when he started pointing and laughing.

'Poor little Zim! Touched a tiny little spit ball and doesn't know what to do!' He cackled a bit more before he turned around and walked home. I wasn't paying any attention to him.

I could feel it there. I knew it was still on my PAK but I couldn't reach it. The feeling was spreading all through it. This was definitely a problem! I decided to run as fast as I could home and get it out there but it was then that I felt the first jolt.

Maybe jolt isn't the right word. Paralysing blow being more correct. As something similar to electricity flowed out of my PAK, it was more than my body could take. I fell limply to the ground, my arms and legs useless. I twitched and convulsed as more of the energy that usually kept me alive coursed unrestricted into my body.

* * *

Dib heard a thump as he was walking home, but he suspected that it was merely Zim overreacting or throwing a tantrum. He balled his hands up into fists. He was going to let Zim have it on Monday...

* * *

Gir stopped playing "English Guard" with the SGS unit when an alarm sounded from the base. Alarms generally meant bad things in Gir's case, unless it was the oven timer... He rushed back inside to see what was going on.

* * *

(A/N): Now THAT is a cliffie!

Oh Gawd, even I want to find out what happens next... I know! I'll keep writing the story! Right after Family Guy...

Somehow this chapter seems shorter, but it's nearly exactly the same amount of words...


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N): Seeing as I left you with a fairly big cliffie to watch a cartoon I thought I better have an appropriately explanatory chapter… Heh heh heh…

I can't keep myself away! I refused to make a cake for this!! CAKE!! See how much I love you? Err... The story!!

P.S. If you're allergic to WUBBISH then you probably shouldn't be reading the Author's Notes because the author is insane and you'd probably have to go to hospital to have your brain replaced. Just a little afterthought... ;)

* * *

All I could think about was the pain. I could never tell where it was but it was very definitely there. One moment it would be down in my leg and a second later up in my forehead. I wondered where I was too; if I was still at the Skool or if someone had found me and the pain was actually someone dissecting me at this very moment. Every thought I had had eventually ended up back with the pain. Well, wasn't much I could do about it now. WAIT! Hold on! This is not the mighty Zim I knew that I so was! I was going to fight it. The pain couldn't get much worse anyway. And there we were, back to thinking about the pain.

I tried to summon every bit of my being into moving. Even just a finger; _one_ finger. Maybe they would've seen that movie "Independence Day" too. Those aliens had looked too much like the Urganians…

Suddenly someone dumped something onto me. The pain that I finally thought I could bear had turned into a terrible burning sensation. A voice I had known since the day I'd been activated spoke in the back of my head.

**REACTIVATING.**

It felt as if someone had taken a lead case off of me. One last shock rippled through my body. I sat bolt upright and screamed. Everything was fuzzy and out of focus and it seemed like I'd need to relearn my fine motor skills.

When my vision cleared, the first thing I saw were two bright blue circles very close to my face and my scream turned into one of shock as I lurched back again.

'INTRUDER!!' Gir screeched and waved his arms about a bit for effect.

'Where?!' I gasped and quickly swung around violently, ignoring the pain. The mission was being compromised! It took me a moment to realise Gir was talking about me. Then I saw the dripping bucket in Gir's hand. He began clanking it on his head and giggling.

'Gir why would you do that?!' I cried at him furiously, the burning finally dying down. A bit. I looked around. At least I was definitely in base and not some science lab.

'I DON'T KNOW YOU!! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?! INTRUDER!!' He continued to yell at the top of his voice and he threw away the bucket with a loud clang as it smashed into something. I winced then I shook my head and turned away. I felt incredibly wobbly and sore. Like I'd been to ten gym classes in a row… No, nothing could be that bad. Except _maybe_ this. I needed to ask Computer what was going on.

'COMPUTER! What's going on?' I asked. Nothing happened except Gir continued to spout rubbish and run around madly.

'Uhmm... Well, maybe you should go and see for yourself.' Computer suggested. See for myself? What was going on? 'We dislodged the spit ball, by the way... It was in your BFM port.' He added as if it would please me. It helped.

I was in the inventing portion of the base and I didn't think there was much in the way of mirrors down here. I tried to slide off the makeshift bed but my legs felt like jelly and walking made me feel dizzy. It didn't help that when I walked past Gir he fired a piggy at me in Defence Mode. I was just able to stop myself from tumbling to the floor and I made way to lift while telling Gir that he was to stay out of my way.

As I leant against the side of lift, I tried to steady myself while thinking of possible outcomes. I knew it was incredibly dangerous to have the insides of your PAK come into contact with foreign DNA sequences. It was the first thing in the manual! That was why only you and machinery are allowed to program your PAK. The invention of the robotic arm had been the first of many revolutions in Irken technology. So why wasn't I dead? Not that that was something I wanted, it just didn't make any sense.

When Chunk had shot the spit ball at me, it had lodged in one of the more major ports, the Bodily Functions Monitoring port. It kept heart rate, blood pressure and nutrition levels in check, along with most of an Irken's other bodily functions, as the name alludes to. Getting a spit ball in there, I had thought, would surely be fatal. As I suspected it had tried to rid itself of the obstruction and nearly destroyed my body in the process.

I needed to see the damage it had caused me, as it seemed like that was what Computer had hinted at, so the next of my problems was finding a reflective surface. I generally had no need for something like that, but there must be _something_ in my base I could get a good look at myself with... I though hard, but my head started throbbing so I thought a little less.

The Transmitter! I _always_ checked to see if I was looking respectful before contacting the Tallest by putting my image up on the screen! Well, ever since Gir had put that "kick me" sign on my back, anyway...

The lift sailed up to the Communications Room smoothly and I looked down at my arms, legs and torso. Nothing _looked_ different about them, but something was certainly unusual. About what, I had no idea.

* * *

As I sat down in front of the control panel I found I had to lower the seat a bit. I growled. Gir must've been pretending that it was a space ship again... Stupid robot. That reminded me of the specifieds and I decided to go see them after this while I absentmindedly set up the vid-cam.

Gee my connection was slow. It took, like, fifty Irk years to do _anything_... I really needed to update it, but that could be hard as I was out of range of Irk to get an average broadband connection. It would cost and arm and a squeedily-spooch to get the "rural" version... Finally my vid-cam got a feed, but instead of phoning the Tallest I set it to display the view of me onto the monitor.

The vid-cam was angled at the floor and all I could see was my feet. I fixed it up then sat back to see –

* * *

'WAAARGGHHHHHHHH!!'

Gir heard the scream from the house. Master must've found the intruder.


	5. Chapter 5

(A/N): So, so, so? Do you like it? Hate it? Or are you impartial? Tell me in a review!

* * *

I fell backwards out of my chair and cried out in shock. The Irken that was in the reflection was not _me_. It was not Zim! I'd known myself for over a human century and I could tell these things by now!

I put a hand up to "my" face and the picture on screen moved with me. Nearly everything about me was different! I wasn't burnt or misshapen like I'd expected; it was like I was a completely different Irken. My face, compared with what it looked like before, had been contorted so I had a larger forehead and my eyes were further apart. My antenna were longer too, and the bend at the top closer to the end.

But that wasn't the best part. Oh no, not by a LONG shot! My limbs and torso also looked like they'd been stretched. It made me… _taller_. Not by much, but I was definitely taller! Still on the floor, I held my arm out and watched how far it stretched away from me. I looked down at my legs and now saw what was "wrong" with them. My boots looked absurdly small on them now. As did my gloves on my arms and my uniform looked like a child's.

My eyes were still incredibly wide as I stood up and got the chair out of the way. I looked in my makeshift mirror and did a little twirl. Looking at myself from every angle; trying to spot any more changes. Once I was done that I just gaped at my new height for a bit. It sure was fun…

After what seemed like ages I realised how stupidly I was acting. I was an Invader! I should be analysing EVERYTHING with a trained eye! How had this happened? Why had this happened? And was it a blessing or a curse in disguise. I really hoped it wasn't a curse.

'C-Computer… Explain to Zim…' I stuttered. Hopefully Computer was listening as I didn't think I was capable of speaking for a second time.

'I'm not really that sure, cause ya know, Gir isn't exactly the best lab partner. Especially when he didn't recognise you –' Computer saw I wasn't going to stop him ranting this time so he cleared his throat and started again. 'Gir went out and got you from the Skool when your PAK sent a distress signal back here. When we got you the first thing we had to do was find out the cause of the malfunction. Well, I say _we_, but –' Computer paused. 'Ehem. I managed to get the thing out in time before it got too serious, but it still did some bad damage. It took me _days_ to get your PAK to stop sending out unnecessary waves of energy…'

'D-days? How long was I down..?' I asked slowly turning away from _me_.

'Oh yeah, you were out for about… I dunno, a week? I phoned the Skool myself. I told them you got Big Bird Flu or something… I don't remember. Anyway, once I'd gotten the spit ball out I started examining you. With the surplus amount of your PAK's power inside your body I was surprised you weren't dead.' I growled and Computer changed his tone. 'On the first day all your joints popped out of place and you were, like, a sack of jelly. On the second day you started growing. Maybe growing isn't the right word; you started _morphing_. You couldn't keep a solid look for ages. Then on something like the fifth day you kinda "set" or something… And your muscles and stuff grew to fit everything else.

'From what I can tell, all this happened because your PAK thought the foreign substance, Chunk's spit, was attacking your body and in its previous state you couldn't defend yourself against it. Of course it wasn't really a threat, but we all know what happens when you get something else's DNA in there. Your PAK seemed to also exaggerate a bit too. Like, for example, your average PAK would do the whole paralysing thing for a day, then just shut down and kill its owner. But yours didn't wanna quit. Heh, kinda like you…' Computer mused.

'What do you mean, exaggerate? Surely this was a good thing! Besides, it's done now…' I pointed out.

'Nuh-uh. It's long from done! It seems your PAK is making you, well, _evolve_! It's making it's own growth hormones. Too many, I think.' Why couldn't I do that myself without all the pain..? I wondered if I would look like a mutant by the end of this.

'Evolving?! That's impossible!' I stated dumbly. Irkens hadn't evolved ever since the invention of the PAK which kept pesky things like that in check.

'Well, that's just the thing. It's a really accelerated version of evolving. And only in one person… And the only thing that's changed apart from the way you look is you have a practically indestructible immune system…'

'So not really evolving at all, then..?'

'No, but –'

'WAIT! Did you say practically indestructible?!' I cried.

'_Immune system_.'

'Oh… Didn't you also say it wasn't finished yet?'

'Yeah. You're still "evolving".' Computer said casually. I paused and thought for a second.

'Hey, since it's the first time this has probably ever happened and it's not really evolving; let's name it after me. Okay?' I said.

'What, so you were _Zimming_, then?' Computer asked sceptically. I grinned. Perfect! I'd always wanted something named after me. Computer sighed in disgust.

'Good. Now why am I still Zimming?'

'You're still, um, Zimming because your PAK still doesn't think you can survive. That is a possibility…'

'What that I may not survive?!'

'Remember that time you walked out onto the road without looking and you ended up... Well, I think your PAK has a point.' I ground my teeth. 'Okay, okay, I was kidding! Your PAK's just stupid. Happy?'

'Not really…'

'Anyway you're probably going to be in a lot of pain for the next couple of weeks. It was better when you were comatose, but now that you're properly awake… Well, can I just ask for you to unplug my microphone on your way out?' Computer said this in a way which seemed to indicate end of the conversation.

* * *

I had decided to look on the bright side. I would probably never get sick ever again. And might get even taller! But then again, by that logic I could get even shorter. I started to worry. Hmm… Computer had said that it'd been a week. Last week it had only been a week til the Christmas Holidays, so if it was a week later then that meant it _was_ Christmas Holidays now! That was good. It meant I didn't have to make up another excuse for missing out on Skool. Not that they really cared, but the Dib-beast would be sure to suspect something.

I was still down in the Communication Room and I put my hand up to scratch my head, trying to remember how long these holidays lasted. Suddenly my entire arm made a sickly snapping sound and all my joints popped out of place. It fell painfully back to my side. Next my other arm flopped uselessly down. Then my jaw unlocked. My PAK had started buzzing into life. Not that it had ever stopped, it had just decided _now_ that I wasn't strong enough still. Maybe my PAK was dumb... No time for epiphany's now, though. I looked around desperately for somewhere to lay down. I settled for the floor.

'Co-uu-er!!' _(Computer!!)_ I yelled, trying to get his attention while more of my joints dislocated. 'Ee-ir-a-aee!!' _(Keep Gir away!!)_ I didn't want Gir running around in here while I was a sack of bones and mush… Hopefully I would slip into unconsciousness sometime soon…


	6. Chapter 6

(A/N): Noooo! School is forcing me to attend again! All my updates have been pretty fast so far, but now they might be down to one or two a week. Sorry guys but, trust me, I'm as unhappy as you are!

* * *

The last two weeks had been an incredibly pain-filled ordeal. I had Zimmed another two times. I'd been lying on the ground peacefully for three days on the first cycle until the rats came. I never knew my base had rats before and at that point I swore I'd get revenge. Computer had to send Gir in to relocate me to the makeshift bed they'd made for me in the first place. It was a long walk and I kept slipping out of Gir's arms. And then he kept standing on me.

Some stages of Zimming kind of tingled, then at others it stung worse than a giant moe-ski-toe bite. Some times it just plain hurt. When I thought about it, I'd always wanted something to be named after me, but I'd especially wanted something _painful_ named after me. Made it seem like I could cause that amount of pain if I wanted...

When my body's insides had started solidifying again, it felt like someone had poured a huge amount of glue inside me and was drying it using a blow drier. Or a flamethrower. I couldn't move because my joints were incredibly stiff and when they finally loosened up I couldn't walk again. It was _terrible_ and Computer had told me it was going to happen again probably at least twice more. Now, after another searingly painful cycle, there was hopefully just one to go.

On the up side(ish), when I'd found out what I looked like for the third time (I hadn't really changed that much on the second), I was happy to see I was even slightly taller than before.

'Computer! Tell me how tall I am now!' I said standing up straight proudly and grinning broadly.

'Err, about 170cm I think.' He replied.

'Excellent! Hopefully I'll KEEP growing!' I exclaimed.

'Of course you'll keep growing.' Computer stated like I was some kind of idiot. I perked up my antenna.

'Eh? You mean I _will_ keep getting taller?' I asked slowly.

'Yeah, duhhh.' Computer drawled. 'I told you before; your PAK is making growth hormones, not shrinking hormones. Besides, haven't you ever heard of the Law of Conservation of Mass? Your body can't just _get_ smaller. The stuff that fills you has to go somewhere and since that doesn't really happen unless you throw it up, cause…' Computer cleared his throat. I waved my hand to signaling him to continue. I was well aware of the modern Irken's anatomy. 'And you wouldn't really be able to throw anything up unless it broke through your squeedily-spooch or came through your throat. In which case you'd be dead, and I think that's would defeat your PAK's purpose…' He trailed off. 'So yeah, you're not gunna get smaller.' I nodded, taking all this in.

'AWW YESSSSS!!' I cried suddenly at the top of my lungs, pumping my fist into the air. Then I danced like a monkey!

* * *

Gir screamed and fell off the couch as soon as he saw me emerge from the toilet; once I'd regained my composure. Computer said there _should_ be a longer break between Zimming again as the time seemed to be extending between them. That was also a good sign they were finally stopping.

Out of nowhere, Gir leapt up and tackled me to the floor then ran off; silently for once. I winced and slowly got up, then quickly grabbed a batter-encrusted wooden spoon to defend myself with incase he came back. I'd never be able to make another specified again if he didn't realise it was me all along! Maybe I could install a voice recognition chip into him so whenever I changed it wouldn't matter.

Something slimy slapped me across the face. I looked down and saw a fish at my feet. Then the things started raining down on me.

'MASTER TOLD ME TO GUARD THE BASS!!' Gir cried, more fish flying from his head. I shielded myself with my arms around my face.

'Gir you MORON!! I told you to guard the _base_!! And I'm right here! It's me, the almighty Zim!' I yelled. 'And how would you be guarding them by throwing them at me..?' I added as an afterthought. Gir just let out a war cry and charged at me again. I swung violently with the spoon until a heard a loud clang and the slapping sounds of the fish died down. I opened one eye and saw Gir on the floor. His blue eyes were now black; a sure sign that'd he'd shut down.

I grumbled as I reached down to pick him up. I decided a voice recognition chip would be the best way to deal with this, as I don't think I had the time or patience to knock him out and then repair him every time he got in my way. Although that had happened a lot beforehand.

I carried him to the lift and went down and got off at the… Oh I don't know! I don't have a name for _every single room_. That'd be stupid! Anyway, I got off on the right floor for things that I needed to do and put Gir down on a bench.

I began rummaging through all the broken parts, hoping to find the things I needed to create a simple chip for Gir. After all, it was easy to distinguish all others from the mighty voice of ZIM!! So it wouldn't need to be too complex. It could possibly even make Gir explode if it was…

I found it temporarily amusing that I had to sit down to be low enough to work at the desk. Then I realised it meant I would have to change half of the stuff in base the so that I could operate it properly, but not even that put a damper on my glorious mood.

As I started jamming parts together and soldering them into place under a magnifying glass, Computer started calling out.

'Hey. Hey, uh, Master? MASTER!!' He called. I didn't look up from what I was doing.

'What is it? I'm kinda busy at the moment… It had better be important.' I replied.

'Um, yeah, actually it is.' There was an awkward pause.

'Well? Go on then!' I said impatiently waving my hand, motioning for him to hurry up.

'There's an incoming transmission.' He said. I growled in annoyance.

'What, do you want me to _guess_ who it is?! Tell me!' I shouted.

'Hey that'd be kinda fun –' Computer stopped, sensing it'd end badly if he continued. 'It's the Tallest.' I blinked, and then dropped everything I was making with a clatter and ran for the elevator.

* * *

(A/N): Heh heh, I went with the classic "you never see cartoons go to the toilet" and gave Zim a reason! Still dunno what Dib's excuse is...


	7. Chapter 7

(A/N): I've been told by a reviewer!! Proved incorrect!! Chaos of the asylum has pointed out that my previous Author Note is WRONG!! Dib _does_ go to the toilet once in the episode NanoZim!! Thank you, Chaos; I have learnt much from you…

* * *

'ELEVATOR!! HURRY UP!!' I shouted as I stood at the elevator shaft waiting for it to open the door. It slowly began sliding open but I impatiently wrenched it the rest of the way. 'Take me to the Communication Room! NOW!!' I commanded the elevator. It obediently started sliding down into the depths of the base.

Why would the Tallest be calling me now? I _was_ the greatest Invader ever, but even they do not just call someone for a chat. They'd _never_ called me; I'd always called them. There must be something INCREDIBLY serious going on. Should I break the ice with a joke..?

I tapped my foot loudly as I stood in the elevator. I was only travelling a couple thousand kilometres to the centre of the Earth! It shouldn't be taking this long! It wasn't like I was asking to be sent to planet Bloorch…

Finally the doors slid open and I was once again back in the Com. Room.

'I'm accepting the transmission.' Computer warned.

'No!! I'm not ready yet!' I cried.

'They've been waiting ages… Yeah it's started.' Suddenly the two Tallests' faces were looming in close on the monitor. I was still running across the room when they appeared.

'Zim..?' Red asked. He and Purple snuck a look at eachother.

'I'm coming my – WARGH!' I started then tripped over a stray robot arm and into a shelf full of… stuff. I tried to grab hold of it to stabalise myslef, but the shelf came crashing to the floor with me. The Tallest snickered and Purple covered his mouth when they heard me clattering around. It was unusual for the mighty Zim to fall over, but laughing seemed a little extreme...

'Okay, well, you seem to be busy, so we'll make this quick.' Purple giggled in the background and Red shushed him. I was now tangled up in a bunch of faulty robot arms and having much longer legs didn't help.

'Mmph!! AHH!!' I cried as a piece of shrapnel made a cut on my face. I instinctively moved away from the sharp object and whacked my head against the wall with a sickening thud.

'You seem to have been sending us a lot of requests for some pretty weird stuff…' Red continued, seemingly oblivious to the background noises. Purple got out a list. He brandished it with a rustle. Red rolled his eyes.

'Ehem. "Tak-ohhs", a pinic, five SuckMunkeys and a "yellah" submarine…' Purple recited, making finger quotes around Gir's terrible spelling. I had just gotten untangled but a sharp hook refused to let go of my uniform and I was trying to release it without ripping it…

_RRIIIP!_

A huge chunk of my sleeve had been torn off. I growled loudly and my eye twitched but there was nothing I could do now but apologise profusely. Before I left, though, I gave the metal a hearty kick, which ended up hurting me more than it…

'Zim..?' Red and Purple asked in unison, hearing my growl and the clang of metal. I cleared my throat.

'My Tallest!' I cried running/limping into view of the vid-cam. 'I can –!' A look of pure shock passed over the Tallests' faces. Suddenly I remembered a few key facts that they didn't know about. One: I had seriously morphed and looked nothing like the old Zim. Two: The cut on my face was heavily discharging my blood. And three: I had just been wrestling with a robotic arm and I looked like I'd just fought a hyperactive creepy-crawly in the Amazon. Except I wasn't covered in Amazon sludge… I raised my hand 'I can –!' I tried again but this time the Tallest cut me off.

'Where's Zim..?' Purple asked cautiously. Red had a sort of disturbed/wide-eyed look on his face and nodded vigorously.

'Did you… Dispose of him..? Was you just then..?' Red asked quietly.

'What?!' I asked incredulously. 'My Tallest I _am_ –' I began but the Tallest weren't paying any attention to me anymore.

'It's finally happened!! He's gone! He really is..!' Red stuttered to Purple. Who was gone..? I was standing right here… Purple's eyes were the size of saucers and he was nodding furiously. They looked to someone off screen. 'Doughnuts!! We need to do something to celebrate!!' They were nearly immediately handed a bag of doughnuts, which they started ceremoniously shoving into their mouths.

I had no idea what was going on, or what they were talking about.

'Eh… My-my Tallest? What's going on..? What did you mean before?' I asked haltingly. They turned back to me with huge grins on their faces. Purple looked at Red and he gave a nod.

'Irken… Err… Whoever you are, you are commanded to come back to Irk for a _surprise_!' Purple said excitedly.

'But in my Voot that would take six months!' I exclaimed but I was still incredibly confused. They had a surprise for me? I knew this call was going to be important!

'Hmm…' Red rubbed his chin and closed one eye in thought. 'I know! We'll come and pick up _you_!' He exclaimed. The Tallest?! Picking me up?! This was all too good to be true!

'O-okay!!' I cried. 'You know where to find me don't you?!' Red and Purple's mood seemed to change.

'Oh yeah. We know…' Purple replied solemly. I was suddenly even more confused. What was that supposed to mean?

'Anyway. Enough talk of Zim. We'll be there within the day!' Red said and then cut the transmission.

I was in a daze. What had just happened..? Computer coughed nervously. Once. Twice. On the third time I whipped around.

'WHAT?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M THINKING?!' I yelled at the top of my lungs. My voice echoed around the room. If Computer could have, I'll bet he'd have paled.

'It's just that –'

'NOT NOW!!' I yelled again. I just knew he would say something to spoil my mood. Whatever it was, he could take care of it. 'If there's a problem, _you_ can fix it for now. And while you're at it, finish updating Gir.' I said more quietly and walked from the room.

* * *

(A/N): Poor Zim!! Yes even I, the author who is making this happen in the first place, feel sorry for Zim.

That's it for me for the week. I'll be back though!! And review in the meantime!


	8. Chapter 8

(A/N): Okay, I know I said no more for the week, but it's the weekend and I've exhausted everything. I've done all my homework and chores; I've had a lengthy chat on the phone with a friend; I've ran around the block for, like, an hour and I've eaten my 5 serves of vegetables and 2 serves of fruit for the day. So here I am! But before we get into the story (if you're actually _reading_ the Author's Notes still…) I have a few matters to address… Okay only one.

Reviews people!! REVIEWS!! This story has had over 200 visitors and 700 hits in the bit more than a week it's been up, but… _there are only five reviewers_!! Not saying that I don't greatly appreciate and LUFF those five reviewers (some having left more than one review), it's just I wanna know what more people think! So please, after you read this, review! Even if it's, like, three words telling me what you think; do it!

* * *

I was unable to sit still on the couch I was so excited. It was good that Gir wasn't around to bother me, or I might have cracked it and dismantled him with my bare hands.

How long had it been now? Okay, it had been three hours since the Tallest had called… They had said they'd be here within the day. Did that mean within _daylight_ or the twenty-four hour period? It was just starting to get dark. Hopefully it was the former.

I started drumming my fingers restlessly on the arm of the couch. I thought about humming but then I realised I didn't know a tune to hum to. I tried randomly making one up, like Gir did so often, but it just came out sounding like I didn't know how to talk. Computer cleared his throat and I exhaled slowly.

'What? What is it Computer?' I asked and closed my eyes.

'Proximity warning. The Massive is just outside of the Earth's atmosphere.' He stated, all business-like. I rocketed out of the chair.

'I AM ZIM!!' I cried at the roof and flung my arms into the air. 'Ehem. Computer, while I'm gone, you guard the base. Do NOT let the Dib-stink in. I know he'll be looking for revenge, so keep an eye out. I'll be able to tell if he's been here…' I grinned at the memory of the Dib's humiliation. 'Oh, and make sure Gir doesn't leave the house for _anything_ when you're done repairing him. He could ruin everything_._' I finished then skipped from the house and slammed its filthy door; hopefully not to be opened for a good while.

I don't know what I'd been expecting to find outside. I looked left, right and finally up but saw nothing. I narrowed my eyes, squinting into the distance. Suddenly something buzzed and whined next to me. I whipped around expecting to see something, but there was still nothing there. Then, as I was about to turn around again, it revealed itself before me; using a technique similar to the effect "wedge" on the human's frivolous PowerPoint program. Quite annoying… I leapt back in shock, only to see that it was my ride to the Massive. A tiny, highly primitive version of the Spittle Runner. I blinked as the automated craft's hatch rose with the hiss of pistons.

I lowered myself into it. My knees were clamped to my chest. As the hatch tried to lower itself, it whacked my head a couple of times. I had to ball myself up with my head resting on my legs. My arms could move at my side, but still I hoped it would be a short trip. Even for my old – less superior – self this would've been thought of as cramped. The ship took off to a shaky start. It seemed to need to have a slight run way. As I said it was obsolete technology. Surely the Tallest could supply better?

**Cloaking device activated.**

The ship became invisible underneath me and whirled around neatly and began hum down the footpath whilst sharply rising into the air. I grinned again and turned my head to the side so I could see the city getting smaller and smaller beneath me…

* * *

Dib was up on his roof as usual. He had his signal receiver and his telescope. He had his headphones over his ears and didn't hear Gaz calling him for dinner. He angled the telescope upwards and put his eye up to it. Something moved off at the edge of its view. He nudged the telescope over. No… It couldn't be…

Oh but it was. Dib saw a green figure in a pink uniform soaring high over the city, and getting higher. With nothing beneath him.

Dib sighed and shook his head. Another one of Zim's crackpot inventions no doubt…

* * *

I sighed and leant back as much as I could in the cramped ship. I wondered what the Tallest had planned. It had all been very, eh… vague… in the transmission.

As I got further and further away from land and past the clouds, the Massive came into view. It was quite awhile away, but there was no missing it. It wasn't called the Massive for its… smallness… In fact, it was called the Massive for its bigness!

When I finally came within range of the Massive it opened the hull to let me dock. I wiggled excitedly again, but then calmed myself. I cleared my throat.

'Greetings! My Tallest. Ahh… GREATings! My Tallest! No, no, no. Greetings _my_ Tallest.' I muttered to myself, rehearsing my salutation. My ship sailed smoothly into the Massive and I looked around at the other Irkens mulling around checking monitors and typing commands into control panels. They all turned to look at the newcomer. I waved and grinned meekly under their piercing – almost judging – stares. For some reason my people had never been, what one would say, _kind_ to me for whatever reason; this attention wasn't exactly new. They spoke quietly behind their hands, eyes never leaving me. I landed unsteadily and the hatch slid open again. I got out slowly and stood facing everyone, unsure of what to do.

Suddenly, to my extreme surprise, the repair drones all spontaneously started clapping and cheering. My eyes were the size of bowling balls and I didn't notice the Tallest hover up to my side. The crowd's cheers grew louder as more and more Irkens filled the hull. Some assistant brought a podium up in front of Red.

The Tallest waved regally to the onlookers – now about a crowd of one hundred – but started talking quietly to each other.

'Fitting isn't it? He's quite tall…' Red snickered and Purple smirked, sneaking a look at me.

'To think it happened a week from the "Anniversary"…' Purple added and giggled. The two turned back the adoring crowd. The Anniversary? Was I missing something important here? The two then directed their words to me.

'Eheh, sorry about the cramped ride. But about a month ago a signal was sent out from an unknown destination – one of the Invader's bases most likely – which corrupted all the ships docked on the Massive.' I shifted my weight and avoided eye contact. Opps… 'We had to get all the old ships out of storage. As you should know, all the Vortians have joined the Resisty –' Purple sniggered at the name. 'Are you going to do that every time I say "Resisty"?!' Red turned back to Purple.

'It's a stupid name!' He said shrugging. Purple shook his head and turned back to me.

'As I was saying. All the Vortians aren't under our control so it's taking a little longer than usual to remake all of the Massive's fleet…' I blinked. No-one had told me about the Resisty. I thought it was a pretty cool name!

'What's the Resisty?' I asked. Red and Purple looked incredulous.

'Have you been living under a crater for the last three years?!' Purple cried. 'Everybody's heard of the Resisty!!'

'_I_ haven't…' I said, hurt. Red crossed his arms and glared at Purple, mentally scolding him. Purple pouted sulkily.

'Ah… You've probably just been out of range of that channel… The Resisty is the growing resistance against Operation Impending Doom II and it's lead by Vortian Lard Nar. When news of the resistance spread – and who their leader was – it invoked a revolt amongst the Vortian society and they all refused to work. Of course that meant being thrown out the nearest airlock, but now we don't have enough hard labourers and mechanics.' Red explained. I nodded. This was pretty big, why hadn't I been informed?

'Anyway, the show must go on…' Purple nudged Red and we faced the expectant crowd – who had probably heard the entire conversation.

'Welcome! Invited guests, soldiers and… repair drones…' Red added disgustedly at the last group of people. The repair drones – all ten of them – cheered their hearts out at the mention of their presence in the hull. Red cleared his throat loudly and they piped down. 'Welcome to the most looked-forward-to event in the entire Irken history!' He left a pause for effect. 'The "Almighty" Zim's _funeral_!!' Red finished and the crowd was once again in fits of joy. Streamers burst from the roof and rained down on everyone.

I felt all the blood drain from my face.

'W-what..?' I asked quietly, but no-one heard. I made a strained gurgling sound in the back of my throat and the Tallest glanced at me oddly. But the perfect save came along by itself. My PAK began whirring and –


	9. Chapter 9

Ohh the pain… It didn't help still being conscious enough to see Purple scream like a 5-year-old girl – and swoon himself – and then have to share a stretcher with him to the Med Bay.

I was poked and prodded at for the most of the week by medical staff trying to figure out what on Irk was going on with me. I wanted to slap them all away and scream at them I was quite obviously Zimming. Well, all my bones were dislocated, of course they were confused.

It was kind of easier here than at the base, though. They had my PAK hooked up to an artificial artificial breather, so it wasn't put under so much pressure, and they'd also given me a weak pain-killer. It was probably just paracetamol, but it helped a bit.

Unfortunately, I had been also been awake when the media had come. Purple had gotten off his bed and seen the reporters.

'It's alright, I'm okay –!' He started, but was cut off when they all rampaged past him to look at me. The medical staff had been able to tell I wasn't unconscious so the reporters were all trying to get quotes and snapping pictures.

'How are you feeling?'

'Has this ever happened before?'

'You look silly..! Did you know that?'

I just blinked meekly at them from my place on the hospital bed.

'Interesting!!' One of them cried and furiously wrote something down. Suddenly Tallest Purple decided to intervene. Probably wasn't getting enough attention of his own…

'Okay, okay! I think this mysterious hero has had enough for now; he needs his rest… GET OUT!!' He pointed at the door and huffily sat back down on his own bed.

In the quiet after they all left, suddenly I was thinking again; drifting back to the events that had taken place a few days earlier…

_My funeral_..? They didn't realise it WAS me still! What would happen to me when they found out I was Zim? Would they be angry? Maybe they'd execute me or have me thrown out the airlock… I shuddered. Well quivered as much as a pile of Irken could. Then the biggest question hit me again. Why were they celebrating my death?

Well – even though no-one else knew it yet – I AM ZIM and I would get to the bottom of this, and more to the point, get out of it.

* * *

It had been one thing having all my bones dislocate for the medical staff, but it was quite another when I'd started to re-solidify. I heard them condemn me in the first three days; saying it was only a matter of time before they'd be holding "my" funeral instead. Eheh… When I'd begun retaining an Irken look – and when I'd started making odd gurgling sounds – again, they'd had to start from scratch in their assumptions. Of course, I knew in about one day I'd be able to explain everything. Or would I? How could I explain this without completely giving away who I was? I'd decided to remain incognito for as long as possible, whilst finding out as much information as I could… I was probably the most confused half solid Irken in the entire multiverse…

Generally I kept my eyes closed during Zimming – in the early stages everything was encircled by an orangey-red, accompanied by a violent stinging anyway – but if someone was in the room, and if I was bored enough, I would watch them moving around, shuffling papers or looking back at me. One day I was trying to move but I was still too rigid and I ached all over; I had my eyes squeezed shut. I heard someone enter. I thought it was probably just another doctor.

'My Tallest!' The physician in the room said in surprise. Purple had left the sickbay over a day ago, so it could be either of the Tallest. I decided this would be worth listening to.

'Listen, we need information…' It was Tallest Red talking in a low voice.

'About what, my Tallest?' The physician asked.

'Who _is_ this Irken?' He lowered his voice even further; it was barely audible from my place in the room. I heard the doctor shuffle a bit.

'We don't actually know… We tried to import that information from his PAK, but it's riddled with glitches and viruses, so we couldn't get into the encrypted information without infecting our entire system. The good news is, however, he seems to be recovering rapidly from what we thought would surely be fatal! How, we aren't sure…' Red stayed silent while the doctor spoke. I couldn't see how he was taking it because my eyes were still closed.

'Hmm… The records have been checked and no-one like him has been banished or sent on an undercover mission, although we can't be sure until we know who is.' Red said. 'How long, do you think?' He asked slowly.

'With the unpredictability of this whole ordeal, I'm not sure anyone'd be able to accurately tell you the answer to –' Red cut him off.

'Make an educated guess.' He said somewhat threateningly. The doctor cleared his throat.

'Err, maybe a week?' He said nervously. 'Why, is this, uhmm… bad?'

Red sighed. 'There hasn't been an anonymous or unidentified Irken in over _one-thousand years_. It could be a problem if there are more like him somewhere in the multiverse. They could upend the Irken name if they aren't under our supervision and intervention!' Red explained, aggravated.

Oh no. Things were worse than they appeared. Not only was I going to be in deep doo-doo when I did "wake up", it was happening right now. Waking up I mean; I was going to _right now_. My fingers twitched, but apparently they didn't notice. My muscles suddenly turned fluid when more energy from my PAK ran through me. Maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't be able to tell I was "awake" just yet…

'Ooff…' The little air I had was knocked out of my lungs as I jerked off the bed. The other two Irkens in the room spun around to stare at me on the floor.

'Yeah, uh, you're fired...' Red said nonchalantly to the physician, who just looked at him with round eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

(A/N): Well the last chapter was pretty short, so here's another one, hot off the press. And unlike everything else hot off the press, it contains nothing about this financial depression! Yay!

**IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER!**

* * *

I coughed and gasped for air and tried to roll myself off my stomach and onto my back. The ex-physician had pressed the emergency button and suddenly the doors slammed open and in poured three other doctors and two nurses. They quickly eased me into a stretcher and lay me back on the bed. Tallest Red walked from the room, saying something to the ex-physician about telling him when it was done.

A doctor got a hold of a robot arm and jammed it quite forcefully into my PAK – checking my BFM port for any dramatic changes. I groaned loudly and they all started muttering among themselves; writing things on clipboards. I only caught little snippets of what they were saying.

'Never… like it before… Nothing… wrong…' One said.

'What… tell… Tallest?' Another said and the other three looked baffled. The two nurses snuck out quietly, not wanting to be thought of as an accessory to whatever trouble the doctors were going to be in.

'We… to sleep… him _later_! Fluke..! We'll… jobs..!' One suggested enthusiastically and all of the doctors beamed – except for the one who had just been fired. All but one scurried off. She walked over to me and stood beside my bed.

'Your, uh, condition is unstable. We're going to have to get your permission to…' She mumbled the last few words; I had no idea what she'd said.

'Wha..?' I asked and she smiled broadly. She turned to her colleagues in the other room.

'We have consent!' She cried and ran over to them. One of the others walked back over with both hands behind his back. He reached down and picked up my limp arm and took from behind his back the largest most lethal needle I'd ever seen.

'No!' I pleaded. The doctor shook his head.

'This won't hurt at all!' He said and poked it into my arm. He was kind of right, but when he took it out it felt like where it had been was paralysed. Over a few minutes – while the doctors looked on – the feeling spread to my entire arm and side until finally I was asleep.

* * *

When I woke up, I had no idea how long it'd been. I blinked a few times and found I was finally able to move again. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. I jumped slightly when I saw both of the Tallest and the three still hired doctors from before standing at the opposite side of the room, facing away from me.

'It's completely ruined. If you're right, and he is a rogue Irken, then he can easily be restored if we replace it. We might even be able to use the old one to find out where it was activated and see if there are more like him out –' One was explaining to the Tallest when the female doctor made an "o" shape with her mouth and pointed at me sitting up on the hospital bed. Everyone else turned around and the doctor that had been speaking put some papers into his coat pocket. I grimaced; I had no idea what I was going to say…

'Ah, so Sleeping Beauty is finally awake.' Purple said haughtily and crossed his arms. Red scowled at him.

'What Purple _means_ to say is, welcome back heroic Irken!' Red said spreading his arms wide.

'Yeah, sure. That's _exactly_ what I meant to say…' Purple grumbled again and Red elbowed him.

'Before we get into the celebrations of your MOMENTOUS achievements –' Red began and everyone, apart from me, had a smile from antenna to antenna plastered on their face. 'We have few questions that need to be put out of the way…' I gulped, but none of them noticed. 'Can you talk?'

'Yes, my Tallest.' I answered patriotically.

'Good… Well. First of all, where did you come from? Err, what I mean to say is… Were you by any chance not born in one of Irk's birthing facilities..?' I struggled to keep from looking panicky. There was no way I could get out of this without lying through my teeth. There goes my old plan… I'd just have to make something up, impromptu style.

'Well. That's an interesting thing… that you should ask…' I stalled. A few seconds ticked by and I'd still said nothing. I thought about everything that had happened in the time that I'd been on Earth and tried to come up with something that might be able to relate with _anything_ like that. Suddenly, I came up the most brilliantly plausible lie EVER! 'I had an ingenious plan, don't you remember..? I was foiled by Zim and you – um, hopefully – never heard from me again.' I finished without a trace of doubt in my voice and successfully distracting them from the original question. Tallest Purple's eyes lit up.

'You-you came up with the snack plan! That was you! I remember it all now!' He cried pointing at me. I painted a smile onto my face.

'Yep..! That was me.' I replied. Red had one eye narrowed in concentration.

'Now that I come to think of it, I do remember a plan to do with snacks… Well good. I thought we had a major problem on our hands! But where were you for all those years?' He asked.

'Why, I was just floating around in space, doing Sudoku's. Ironic that I should crash land on Earth, so I could… take… care of, uhm, eh… Z-_Zim_…' I finished weakly and cut eye contact with everyone.

'And we're all _very_ grateful. Very. Trust us…' Purple said and nodded sagely.

'Mhmm. You've done your species a great service.' Red added. My eye twitched violently and I refrained from jumping Red and beating him up. The doctors gasped and rushed over to me, thinking my eye was a sign I was going to pass out again or something.

'Eh, I'm fine. Trust _me_ on this one…' I held my hands out in front of me and leant away from the doctors.

'And we come to the second question.' Red had hovered up to me as well and pushed the doctors out of the way. 'Your illness. Has it happened before? Ever? Do you perhaps think you could shed some light on that?

'Ah, yes…' I had forgotten already that I'd been invalid for over a week… I still had no idea how long, exactly. 'It, uh, definitely has happened before… I'm not sure why it happens, but I think it may have something to do with… eh…' I stuttered and waved my hand in circular motions in front of me, as if it would draw the information out. 'The fact that Zim shot me with a peculiar laser when he overpowered me –' I suddenly stopped myself. I wasn't Zim anymore. There was no use promoting a dead Irken. I had to stop bagging myself… Too much, anyway… 'But I managed to escape to my ship before it started. I wasn't exactly able-bodied afterwards and he blasted me into space. They've been happening ever since.'

'_That_, has been happening to you for three years?! Whoa.' Purple said in amazement and I realised what I'd just implied. I cursed under my breath.

'Uh, yeah.' I said dumbly. Everyone in the room stared at me. 'I called it Zimming…' I added. 'After all, Zim was the one who did it to me!'

'Wouldn't it be more appropriate to name it after yourself..?' Red asked.

'Ah, nah, I thought of that too. I don't want to be known for because a "disease" that causes pain. Eheh.' I said, waving it off.

'Um, right. Zimming it is. Go write that down or something.' Red told the doctors and they all shuffled off. Red and Purple started just looking at me.

'Ah, ahem, I don't want to be disrespectful to my Tallest, my _leaders_! But I'm actually very tired still…' I said slowly, hoping one of them would get my drift.

'Yes, of course solider. We'll be on our way.' Red said incredibly kindly for someone like him. They both turned to leave.

Purple suddenly turned back to me, just as Red was about to walk out.

'Come on Purple. We were gunna get sushi after this!' Red exclaimed.

'I just remembered something! I don't remember your name! Sounded like Tak. Gee I hated her! For some reason…'

'Hey yeah. What was it again?' Red asked, not at all embarrassed at admitting that he didn't know my name. I paled and felt as if my squeedily-spooch had dropped out. I gritted my teeth and went with the first thing that popped into my head.

'It sounds like Tak, because it's Z-ak.'

* * *

**IMPORTANT NOTE RIGHT HERE!**

(A/N): I, as the Author of this fic, am taking control. This story is now officially on Indefinite Hiatus.

Now you may all be wondering why I have decided to do this. It is because – remember back in chapter eight when I asked for more reviews? – over fifty people read that chapter and I still only have five reviewers!! Seriously, people! That is why, until I get three _new_ reviewers, I won't be writing anymore of this story. I'm sorry to my five loyal fans that constantly do, but your reviews will not be included in the tally to three. It's not hard! THREE. Anonymous reviews are on. If you like, while you're waiting for other people to get off their butts, (okay _that_ made no sense...) you can read my some of my other stories.

I'm not trying to be mean; I'm not usually like this. (If you've been reading the other Author's Notes, then I think that's easy to tell) But wouldn't you want to know what other people think? I want to find out if it's even worthwhile continuing it. If people don't like it, then I want to get better!

Once again I'm sorry to Mossnose- Kitty Seville, Chaos of the asylum, Invader Aniaette, Paige and the Banished Prince, but that's the way it is.


	11. Chapter 11

(A/N): Yay! I came back after two days and BAM I have _six_ new reviewers! That wasn't so bad! All it took was a gun to the story's head and lots of fire! Wait... I didn't use the fire yet…

Oh yeah, and I promise you all it won't happen again! I'm satisfied that people think my story is good.

* * *

'Okay then.' Red said disinterestedly from the door already turning around again. 'C'mon! That sushi's only getting rawer…'

Purple shrugged and followed Red out, 'Bye Zak! We'll contact _you_.' He called over his shoulder then chuckled at his own lame joke. I sighed in relief; they'd _finally_ decided to leave… I was glad to have the time to be able to think some things over and get the rest of my story straight…

Suddenly, as if from nowhere, the doctors were re-emerging from the shadows, holding all sorts of testing devices.

'Meep.'

* * *

After what seemed like hours of vicious testing on my PAK and general body health I slumped back down onto the bed. At least the freakish little hospital gown they'd given me actually fit.

It had been slightly novel for a while – some of the doctors were _tiny_ and it was fun leering down at them – but then it had just gotten downright invasive. I doubt I'll ever be able to look at a vacuum cleaner the same way again… My PAK sure feels clean though. They'd showed me the stuff they'd found in there and now I was definitely going to kill Gir when I got back. How and when had he gotten three pencils in there..?

Now the doctors that had been maiming me moments before stood in a corner, consulting some kind of book. I tried to get a glimpse of it but they were all too close together. I grumbled and began tapping my foot on the steel bar at the end of the bed. All at once, the doctors turned to look at me. Two of them left the room – heading in the direction of the hospital's exit – and the female one from before walked back over to me.

'Hello!' She said pleasantly and smiled. She obviously thought I wouldn't remember the drugging. I did. I scowled at her. Her smiled faltered but she soldiered on in an attempt to make some kind of peace. 'As you know, we've been doing some testing –' I hardened my scowl and gritted my teeth. She seemed to take a half step back. 'And we've found out a couple of things about you…' The scowl practically dropped off my face and my eyes widened. They'd found out I'd lied to the Tallest! I was going to be executed for sure!

'I-I can explain!' I begged but she didn't seem to hear me.

'You're PAK is what we like to call "Clinically Stuffed-Up".' She continued. What..? 'It doesn't function the way others do, and when it does it's too… stupid to know how to do it properly. We believe it's most likely been caused by the some kind of virus that has been plaguing it for a _very_ long time, because from what we can derive it was fine when it was first installed into you.

'We can think of only one solution. We're seeking technical advice as we speak, but we're sure this is the only way.' She paused, taking in a breath. The way she stretched it out made it seem like was dying… 'We need to replace your PAK.'

I WAS DYING!! They couldn't do that!! Everything that I was is inside my PAK! My memories, my ideas and my Zim personality! I'd been living with this PAK for over 100 Earth years and I could _continue_ doing so.

'No. I won't let you.' I stated.

'I'm afraid we have to. Especially if these _things _have been happening to you for three years! Don't you want them to stop?!' She asked.

'I have a GREAT feeling they'll stop by themselves…' I tried to give her the hint, _without_ letting on that I wasn't telling them everything. She didn't get it.

'Uh, well…' She said ignoring me. 'Once I hear the word from the technicians you'll have to record all your experiences and memories, then I'll be telling the Tallest and you'll be allowed to attend the ceremonies. Afterwards, you'll be assigned your new PAK. We can make sure that you recognise simple things like names by specially programming it into your PAK manually. All you have to do is supply the memories and we can get your "future self" to understand what's going on.'

'No.' I said stubbornly again.

'Yes.' She said back. I sat up. I was at eye level with her now, even while I was still sitting on the bed.

'NO.'

'YES.'

'NO!!'

'YES!!' Suddenly the Tallest, the doctors and a technician entered the room. We both looked up from our "argument".

'Err, are we intruding on something?' Purple asked.

'NO!!' I cried. 'Ehem, I mean… No, my Tallest.' There was a long silence.

'Uh, I have reason to believe that replacing his PAK is the only way…' The technician said. Everyone looked at him.

'NOOOO!!' I cried again and then everyone's gaze was turned to me. I blinked and there was another long pause.

'Zak, I think that –' Red began.

'Argh! Fine!' I said, giving in. Pick your battles…

'Uh, good. Now that that is sorted…' Red said and with that, he and Purple left. Purple waved gaily to me and I waved feebly back. Me -equals- Zak now.

* * *

So here I was. In the bleak, white recording room. It had been rented out for me for a full week so that I could document my entire life. Hardly seemed long enough to me. I mean come on, a week for the life of _Zim_? I was frantically trying to remember all the important bits of EVERYTHING, when something struck me.

I could make whatever I want happen. I wouldn't remember otherwise and no-one else knew who I was to tell me I was wrong… As long as I included something about Tak's mission and "Zim's" defeat, I could think whatever I wanted! It was like the Earth worm-babies deluded dreams of being "superheroes" except I actually could be if I wanted! I could make a complete _life_ for this Zak.

Suddenly an inner qualm ripped open in the middle of me. If I lied, and no-one knew better, then technically "my" life would be a lie… I would be able to tell myself while I still realised that, soon, I wouldn't know any better, but was that really an excuse? And don't I want _someone_ to remember the fantastic adventures of Invader Zim? Even if that person still was technically me…

As a war raged within me, an Irken leant through the door.

'We're ready for you to begin recording whenever. We'll leave you in peace so when you want – and make sure the camera is facing you – press that button.' He said, pointing at a red button, then gently closed the door when I nodded.

_Maybe I can jazz it up a bit…_ I thought as I pressed the button and sat back in my tiny chair.

'Where can I start?' I said to my future self. 'Where can I say the nightmare really begins..?'


	12. Chapter 12

The terribly _unbearably_ boring week had finally drawn to an end. Talking about me is fun and all, but not when there's no-one else in the room and you're doing it for practically 16 hours straight… I had the memory chip with all the footage on it in my hand and I was walking back from the recording room to the Big Boss Technician's office.

I hadn't seen the Tallest since the hospital fiasco because they'd been buried with the recent Resisty rebellions. (Say that ten times fast) Or Red had while Purple died of laughter. Well, not literally – Red might have been a bit more concerned if that actually happened – but enough to make Red give Purple an imaginary task of talking with me about decorations for the up coming celebrations. (I was thinking black roses everywhere and lots of crying females…) After I'd been to the technician's office was when the meeting was scheduled to take place.

I reached the door I wanted and walked in without bothering to knock. After all, any hard labourers – no matter how prestigious – were even lower on the respect scale than a cook and so I was definitely higher up than him.

'Zak!' He said looking up. 'Do you want some doughnuts?' He offered the bag to me. I shook my head and took a seat.

'I have a meeting with Tallest Purple after this, if he catches scent of snacks we'll never get anything done.' I said jokingly and we shared a good laugh. Because that's who I am; a people person. (An Irken Irken?)

'Well, let's get down to business. You're here today to choose your next PAK's model.' My eyes momentarily bulged. There was more than one kind these days?!

'There's more than one kind?' I voiced my concerns and the technician blinked.

'Oh of course. Sorry Zak… I forgot about that…' He mumbled. 'Ah, well, last year we came up with four new models – plus the old one – to suit the predicted jobs an Irken was assigned, thus permanently keeping them in that career line and also specialising them to make them more efficient.' He started.

'You can predict jobs now?!' I asked, amazed and irritated at how out-of-the-loop I was.

'Well not really predict. More like force. Kind of like conscripting smeets. A whole bunch of Irkens born in one particular hour will be assigned advisor positions, while in the next, solider duties.' I nodded slowly. 'Now because of your special predicament, we will let you choose what duties you want by picking yourself. Here I have representations of all the five kinds of PAK.' He picked up a regular looking PAK. 'This one is the old kind; it's your average PAK for average duties such as food service or cleaning. The Tallest have told me to recommend that someone like _you_ doesn't pick this one…' He picked up a heavier, clunky looking grey one. 'This is the military edition. If you wanted to be a solider so you can rise through the ranks of the army and be part of the Armada, then this is the PAK for you.'

'Fascinating!' I cried just so I could get a word in.

'Isn't it?' He smirked. 'Next one is this.' He held out a scientific, smudgy purple looking PAK. 'It specialises in the field of mechanics. If you wanted to be an inventor or a _technician_ then you'd take this PAK, it includes all kind of fun gadgets…' He added wistfully, toying with it. His PAK was the original version. He picked up the second to last PAK on the table. A shiny PAK with golden-orangey ports. 'Ah, here's the PAK for the business man, for if you want a career in economy or trade. And last – but certainly not least – is this PAK.' He got out a rather formal looking one, or at least, formal at the first glance. If you looked at it for a bit longer, it was the one that mostly resembled the original PAK. 'It's for specified for working as an advisor. I'm sure if you choose this one you'd be working on the Massive.' He finally stopped talking.

I looked at all five; well actually I only looked at four. There was no way I was being a food service drone or a cleaner! I picked up the military edition and shook it slightly. It was pretty heavy… I wondered if you'd ever get used to it.

'Err… What's in it?' I asked.

'Hmm? Oh right! Here's a list of all the features in the four new PAKs. I'm sure I've talked for long enough! I remember this one time…' He kept talking but I wasn't listening anymore. I was carefully reading through the list. It had been a while since I'd been entrusted with such an important decision. Even if it was only going to affect me.

'Oh wow! The military PAK has a personal laser _turret_! But then the mechanical PAK has an auto-repair robot arm… Although, the business one has a foreign-currency forger! And a _calculator_! That could be very handy. Hmm, the advisory one has a language translator and a… metal/weapons detector..?' I said to myself, but ended up asking the technician a question. He emerging from his monologue and looked at me.

'That's for checking out possibly hostile negotiators. Sometimes advisors have to take on diplomatic duties.' He replied. All of them were so cool but I could only choose one… Why couldn't they have combined _everything_ on the list into on super-PAK? I ended up asking the technician. 'Oh you wouldn't really want irritated food drones or stingy merchants with massive super weapons. Nor would you want the military getting frightened by the huge amounts of concealed weaponry the opposition has, or being able to count how many there are compared to them… Everything would be in some kind of chaos.' Oh well, that _would_ be stupid. But Zim could handle it!!

Nevertheless, I had to choose _one_, but I wanted it to be the right one. I didn't want to have to go through forgetting everything any more than once…

'Do I have to choose _right now_?' I asked him nervously. He just shrugged.

'I guess.' I ground my teeth angrily. 'Look, ah, just think of it this way…' He said nervously, not wanting to invoke my wrath. 'What do you do in your spare time? Do you clean your base or ship? Do you blast stuff into oblivion and pick fights with random civilians? Do you repair your friends' TVs? Do you launder money? Or do you like ordering people around and giving them "advice"?'

'I do like blasting things into oblivion… But bossing people around is fun too.' I scratched my chin. 'Right I've decided.'

'Good! What one'll it be?' The technician asked, obviously pleased I'd finally made decision.

'I don't know, I'm going to let Tallest Purple choose.'

'A-are you sure that's wise..?' He asked me.

'Yes, of course! I AM Z – AK!!' I choked out the last part just in time. I knew that in that PAK lifetime I'd never get used to saying that.

Of course I'd miss the way the awesome name of ZIM rolls off the tongue… But I'll still remember it the way I had before. Well, now. Wouldn't I? Or would my future self be tricked into believing that Zim was the scourge of the Irken Empire; only fit to be a slight amusement to everyone else when watching him – me – stuff up.

No. I wouldn't let that happen. They'd program it into my PAK that I'd been reassigned a new one and that the recordings I saw before me were true. Perhaps they would trigger some age-old primitive instinct in my in-the-flesh brain. Or maybe I'd just be smart enough to figure it out from what was said on them. Or maybe I could make _another_ recording of my own… Ah, why couldn't my PAK just be normal? Or at least not riddled with viruses… But then I guess they'd figure out I was Zim and I'd be in an a lot less comfortable position.

'Very well then, as you wish Zak. Shall I ask the Tallest to meet you here now?' The technician asked, dragging me out of my train of thoughts.

'Yes.' I answered shortly.

* * *

(A/N): Dun DUN! Find out what PAK Zim gets in the next chapter of…

Yeah I'm done.

Sorry dudes and dudettes, but this is the last update till next week (it's not that far off!) cause school has really been crashing down on me… Start of the new term is past, let's kill her with assignments! It's especially bad when one is to do with JAZZ DANCING!! Furthermore, it's even worse when your PA teacher keeps saying "These aren't spirit fingers… THESE are _spirit fingers_!!"

Not. Funny.


	13. Chapter 13

(A/N): I'm sick of doing homework; here's the result! A day early too... How good is that!

* * *

'Yes, actually! I am inconvenienced by this! You only called me…' Purple thought for a moment. 'One and a half hours prior to the scheduled meeting time! I need to be given _at least_ two hours notice!' The Big Boss Technician shrunk away from the enraged and nonsensical leader.

'S-sorry my Tallest! Forgive me..!' he stuttered. Purple scratched his chin and contemplated this.

'You will be demoted to a scrap metal sifter.' He stated casually. The ex-Big Boss Tech. was dragged away by two guards that had accompanied Purple. Drastic times called for drastic measures! Both of the Tallest required personal guards to protect them from possible undercover Resisty spies.

'NOOOooo..!' He cried as he was dragged away. A few moments later the guards came back, dragging the new in Big Boss Tech. with them.

'Argghhhh!! Where are you taking me?!' She screamed and struggled. They sat her on the chair where her predecessor had been sitting and removed her blindfold. 'Oh. Hello my Tallest. Zak.' She said trying to be calm and work out what had just happened. I held back a smirk. _Everyone_ knew my name!

'I trust you've been informed?' Purple asked her. A brief flash of unease flickered across her face.

'Ahh… Sure, why not?' She mumbled. We both looked at her and waited for her to start talking. 'New PAKs..?' She took a stab at the topic.

'Yes, my Tallest, I wish for _you_ to decide the model of my new PAK!' I cut in. Even though watching her restlessness would've been fun, I wanted to get this over with… I'd asked Purple to choose as I didn't mind what PAK I got out of the new ones, and being recommended by a _Tallest_ was sure to get me higher faster!

'Ah! It would be my pleasure, Zak! How nice of you to ask _me_!' Purple replied and then muttered something unheard by the technician and me about Red and importance. 'Well, better get to it then!' He looked hard at all the PAKs and the list of enhancements. Minutes ticked by slowly…

My eyes wandered around the rest of the room as I slowly slumped down in my chair. I looked over at the female Irken on the other side of the desk; she was doing much the same as me. I felt like dobbing her in, but then Purple would probably take even longer. My head slowly drooped down and I starting finding patterns in the floor material.

'Done! I know exactly which one to choose!' Purple cried. 'You shall beeeeeeeeee –' He drew out the suspense and it took my whole being not to sigh, or rip his head off. 'An advisor!!' I smiled slightly; an advisor it was.

'That's you final decision?' The technician asked.

'Yes, yes. Of course it is!' I said impatiently. 'Now what happens?'

'I'll replace your old one with an advisory PAK.' She stated.

'Alright then.' I replied. She got up and walked over to the floor-to-ceiling cupboard and unlocked it. Inside were hundreds of white boxes labeled with black Irken writing.

**Un-programmed PAKs. Advisory model. Not for individual sale.**(Or whichever model)

Purple and I watched – me sitting and him leaning slightly on the desk – as she struggled to reach the aforementioned boxes on one of the highest shelves. Finally she got it down by precariously balancing her PAK legs on her chair and stretching to her limits. She sighed slightly as she got down and opened up the box. The PAK she pulled out of the box was gleaming and had that "new car" smell about it. I grinned.

'Turn around.' She almost ordered, but I let it go, seeing as I was in a good mood.

'What? You're going to do it here?' I asked.

'Is there a reason I shouldn't..?' She asked cautiously and looked at Purple.

'I just… Didn't think…' I was at a loss for words _again_! Surely it needed to be done in a lab or something.

'I think I'll be going.' Purple said. 'I have things to do. Important things.' He added the last part almost defensively and turned around. 'Come to the bridge as planned in half an hour Zak.'

'Um, well, before we get started, I have to go to the… err, toilet!' I cried. I still needed to make that backup video! I thought I'd have the time…

'What's a toil – Ahh!!' She cried and pointed, dropping the PAK in the process. Fool! She'd probably put a scratch on it. I quickly bent down so I could examine it. I would demand a different one anyway.

'What is it, you insolent fool?!' Purple turned back and cried at her using the words he'd heard Red call idiots so many times before. She was still wide-eyed and pointing at us. I stood upright and glared at her too.

I looked over at Purple, but all I could see was his antennas. 'He-he's taller than you!' She stammered to Purple.

* * *

'Red, Purple, please stand up straight!' The Chief Advisor called to them. There was no doubt about it, I was taller than the "Tallest" – no longer being the Tallest, they weren't to be called by that title – but they needed official photographs. Red and Purple shakily and ungracefully dropped to the floor as they turned off their hover belts. They took it in turns to crack each other's spines into an upright position. Now they were closer to my height, but still not taller. They both had been so used to looking down at everyone they had nearly become permanently bent over. They looked very different vertical, it didn't help that their eyes were round and looked overly traumatised.

I was doing my best not to grin too broadly. Or cheer at the top of my lungs. Or burst into song and dance like the characters in the human's "musicals". I could now identify with the characters, though.

I was about to become the Tallest!! _The_ Tallest!!

* * *

Gir was bored. This was something Gir was unfamiliar with. He'd always been doing something, but now there wasn't much he could do. Computer had sealed him into the house portion of the base and locked all the doors and windows. Computer had given him a reason, but it was in the past and Gir had no idea what it was. Maybe something about Master being really angry?

He had ordered several pizzas and other take-aways, but since he couldn't unlock the doors all the delivery people had just shouted insults and walked off. Now they had his phone number blocked. He'd been someone's "lifeline" for some funny TV show and told the nice man the answer was "cheese". After, on the screen the man had looked very happy and everyone had cheered for him.

Anything that wasn't nailed, glued or otherwise attached had been tossed around the room till it had been reduced to nothing but rubble. He'd swept up all the dust and jumped in it, but it got into his system and made his joints ache after he'd done it a few times. Everything was a complete mess and there was nothing left to do except listen to the dial tone on the phone. Lucky they didn't have to pay electricity bills.

Computer had feared that he'd only have _just_ enough time to clean up when Master's proximity warning came up – as it would be useless doing it while Gir was just going to mess it up again – but now he wondered whether the warning would come at all. Master had been gone for over a week. Perhaps he'd found out and gone on a rampage or something… It didn't really concern him, as long as they Irken Empire forgot about him and left him to his own devices. He _had_ tried to tell him… Computer had thought it was fairly obvious, though.

Dib had walked by – well not walked; the whole street was under Zim's control so the only possible reason he could have to be there was spying, so more liked sneaked – once, a few days after Zim's disappearance into the clouds. The gnomes hadn't attacked him when he accidentally fell over the fence so he continued to walk cautiously up to the window. All he could see was Zim's stupid robot making snow angels in a huge pile of dust. The room was completely destroyed. He'd knocked on the door a couple of times and the robot had walked up to the window and stuck his tongue out at him. He pulled at the handle, but the door was locked. When the robot didn't do anything about it, Dib sighed and walked home. It was no use trying any of the other houses, they had much better security. Sadly Dib knew from experience.

* * *

(A/N): Finally the story's title has meaning! I'm quite proud I was able to draw it out over 13 chapters!


	14. Chapter 14

Tallest Zak; it had a nice ring to it. Of course, Tallest Zim would've been _much_ better, but there's not much that could be done about that, now was there?

I still hadn't had my PAK replaced; there were so many more important things to be done! Like being fitted with my Tallest robes… I refused, however, to have my third fingers cut off. And to use a hover belt. They were frivolous and I _hated them_!! Particularly since Red was the one to have come up with the original idea that they, as leaders, should have to move as little as possible.

My first command had been to celebrate my becoming the Tallest, instead of a hideously _sick_ "celebration" of another Irken's death. I'd told the entire bridge they _disgusted_ me when they'd all "aww"ed loudly at the news that that specific party was to be cancelled.

'But sir! My Tallest! It was to be celebrating the last ever Anniversary that he would be alive for, polluting the Irken name! Surely _you_, slayer of Zim, would want to continue on with it!' An advisor piped up. I spun around and glared at him.

'What is this "anniversary" you all speak of?' I asked him coldly. He cowered in his seat.

'The Anniversary, sir. It's an ironic name for Painful Overload Day and the starting point of all Irk's problems…' He answered timidly. My eyes widened in horror. I still remembered that day, how could I not? That day that they'd so callously nicknamed Painful Overload Day was _my birthday_!! Now Red and Purple had given it another hideous name!! How _dare_ they!! I would get them for this, make them pay. I had plans for Red and Purple…

'YOU!!' I pointed at the Irken who'd just been speaking. My arm trembled, I realised what I'd just been about to order. 'Get out of my sight…' I hung my head. I'd nearly had him thrown out the airlock… But no, I wanted _my_ ruling to be different from theirs. So different! First I would make sure Horrible Painful Overload Day I and II would be erased from the Irken calendar. As well as this horrible "anniversary". Then, I would rule this – no, MY – race with an iron fist. I would lead them to victory so much faster than Red and Purple could've ever _dreamed _of! All the pointless dilly-dallying would CEASE! I would no longer bother with Invaders. Why would you send spies to infiltrate and interact with another non-Irken species when we could simply enslave or destroy them? However, I knew what it felt like to be culled, lied to even, so I would take pity on the soon to be unemployed Invaders and give them jobs of their choice. Irkens would respect me; not fear or hate me like they did Red and Purple. Everyone knows they didn't feed their crew… Although, if anyone ever crossed me, be warned, I would NOT want to be in their boots…

All matters aside; Irk would be a better place with me in charge.

* * *

After all the technical affairs had been taken care of, it was finally time to receive my new PAK. All of Purple's time thinking about what PAK I would get ended up wasted as I would be fitted with an extra, super special version only for Tallests. I met with the Big Boss Tech. once more.

'Greetings, fellow Irken.' I said regally to her. She gasped at being recognised as such by the newest and tallest ever Tallest. I have to say, when they'd finished measuring me and found out that I was the tallest Irken to ever live, it made me feel just that bit more special. Now I'd been the shortest ever AND the tallest ever! Not that the former was something to be proud of by itself, but as a pair! Now, if only I could tell someone… All that Zimming _hadn't_ been for nothing!

'Greetings, my Tallest! Shall we finally get this done?' She asked. I nodded and sat down. On the desk in front of me sat a box containing a freshly made PAK; the Tallest edition was only made when required, so there was no chance of it being stolen or reproduced as they were a very high tech piece of equipment…

This time when she got the PAK out of the box, I was not nervous about how I'd remember myself in the future, as I hadn't needed to sneak away any more, but instead just request another use of the recording room. No one had thought it suspicious that I would want to use it again since I'd just become the Tallest.

'Don't drop it this time…' I commented and she got such a shock she nearly did. I winced and shook my head while she laughed nervously. 'So how does this work? You're just gunna– Duhhh…'

* * *

The Big Boss Tech. was done in way under ten minutes. In fact, it only took seconds. Turns out the new PAKs don't need to be reconnected to your spine; they can integrate into the old cables just fine.

I liked my new PAK. I kept turning to look over my shoulder to make sure it was still there. It was a comfortable weight and had a safe mix of all the new PAK technology so it didn't overload or get lag in between commands.

I grinned childishly at the technician and she seemed to grin back, but honestly, I had no idea where I was, where I _had_ been or what had happened at all before hand. All I knew was that my PAK had just been replaced and I was the Tallest.

'My Tallest, now that your PAK has been replaced, I'm sure you're very confused.'

'Not really…' I replied.

'Um, well, I have the videos your former self made for you to watch to remind you of your adventures.' She produced a stack of videos and pointed to the wall as a screen descended from the ceiling. 'You can watch them here if you want.'

'Alright…' I picked up the first recording and was about to put it into the playback slot when she cleared her throat. 'Yes?'

'Ah, well, I was wondering… If it wouldn't be too much bother, my Tallest… I have some spare time and if you wanted some –' I looked pointedly at her and she stopped rambling. 'My Tallest, would you allow me to stay and watch with you? That is if you don't mind, I understand if you –' I cut in.

'Eh, why not? It'll take awhile to watch all of these… I could use the company.' I replied whilst looking at the screen. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her doing a little dance.

'Thank you so much my Tallest! If you want me to leave at any stage, don't hesitate to say so.' She said and pulled her chair around so it was facing the wall like mine.

The screen displayed a picture of what was definitely me. It was hard to believe that it actually was, as I had no memory at all of ever being in a room like that.

**1 Week Later…**

We had been on the edge of our seats the entire time we'd been watching my past life. Everyday we had met up here at exactly the same time to begin avidly watching the videos. I could see my past being an excellent TV show! Selling thousands and thousands of copies! That was an idea if the economy ever ran into troubles…

There wasn't that much footage left now so I was savoring it. It was like the best movie ever! It had the perfect mix of humour, action and suspense. Some times I had a hard time believing that I would do something as stupid as that, but I had the feeling my old self was being brutally honest over 99.9 percent of the time – I couldn't even fool myself in the scarce times that there were mistruths. Even then they were insignificant details, ones that I would've forgotten anyway – and it was kind of embarrassing having someone else in the room to witness it. But I also had to think that other people had to have heard this before (hadn't they?) so hiding it from one more person wouldn't matter. Maybe even she had known about it beforehand…

There was only one video left after this one, and currently I was explaining to myself how I'd been defeated by Zim and sent into space for three years. The Big Boss Tech. and I winced when he explained the effects of Zim's laser. I grinned wickedly when he finished dramatically about how he killed Zim. I didn't turn around but I could tell the technician was somehow unhappy now. The video finished and I took it out and got ready to put the last one in. I pulled my hand back when I noticed writing on the top.

**Watch ALONE! Also, only watch if you want to know the ****truth****.**

I frowned slightly then turned the tape away so that the technician couldn't see the words. She was looking slightly… down.

'What's wrong with you?' I asked. She looked at me and bit her lip.

'It's just that…' She started. 'I don't think Zim was all that bad…' I just looked at her then burst out laughing.

'What?!' I said in between fits. 'He destroyed Irk! And did other bad stuff!' I said as a picture of Zim popped into my mind. All people of importance in history and now were programmed into my PAK and I had instant access to information on his crimes. For some reason the innocent way in which she had said that didn't make me angry at her for her blasphemy, but instead it made it seem very comical.

'His heart was in the right place, I'm sure… I knew him a while back.' She mumbled.

'Well, you keep thinking that.' I chuckled again. Zim? A good guy? Ha! Then I realised something, I needed an excuse to get her out of the room so I could watch this video without her seeing. Of course, I _could_ just tell her to leave, but she seemed nice enough and obviously worshipped me, so I decided to use this as justification. I turned serious. 'Actually, that can't be a very good attitude… I won't punish you because you seem like a loyal Irken, but I will ask you to leave for now.' I commanded. She nodded slowly and sloped from the room.

'I understand…' She said as she left. I turned my attention back to the video I had in my hand.

Read only if I wanted to know the truth… I was happy enough not knowing it, but how bad could it be? My past self must've have wanted me to see it, otherwise I wouldn't have made the video in the first place. And marking it in such a way made it seem as if it were practically begging to be watched, making me curious. What could this "truth" be? Perhaps I would admit all the faults in the previous recordings… But there were so few anyway. Maybe I'd just purposely left out more embarrassing parts, incase someone else was in the room. I certainly was a tricky person! I put the video in. My picture flickered back onto the screen.

'Hello again, future me! Heh, that'll never wear off… Now I hope there's no one else in the room. If there are, GET OUT NOW!! I made this recording _after_ I became the Tallest, so that's an order! See? I have the robes! And, me, don't try to stop them!

'Ehem, now that that's out of the way, I presume you want to know the truth. That's why your watching this video right? If you were looking for more laughs, then you'd better stop this now, cause there aren't any.

'There has been one key detail that I've left out of these renditions of my life. That being my name. Never once have I mentioned my name. I guess you know _your_ name is Zak, as it's being programmed into that new PAK of yours. I'm jealous already… But! That's not the point!' I cocked my head to one side. Gee I could go on. My past self was slouching in the chair with one of his legs over the arm rest, just like I was now. What was he talking about? _My_ name? It was his name too!

'Get on with it!!' I yelled at the screen as I rambled on.

'– NOT a joke… You are in actual fact not Zak at all. You are the one and only… ZIM!!' He got out of the chair and raised his fists at the roof.

'WHAT?!' I cried and leapt out of my chair as well. It tipped over with a crash. 'Is that some kind of sick joke?!' I shouted at the screen as if it would answer, but he was now off on some tangent about evidence. Why would I say something like that? Lie so blatantly to _myself_? What would he have to gain? Nothing! Because _I_ was his future and _I_ wasn't gaining anything! Unless it were true. A few parts of the video clicked into place perfectly when I matched them up with Zim's record. Namely, the planet I'd casually mentioned so many times on the video; Earth. Most of the things he'd said wouldn't make sense on any other planet, especially since humans didn't live anywhere else and they'd been referred to quite a lot. This Dib he talked about was quite obviously human. NO!! For some deluded reason I was lying! I was completely different to him in every way! Especially height.

I practically ripped the video out and put it into my PAK so no one would ever see it. I would destroy appropriately later, perhaps in my quarters.

As I stormed down the hallway the technician ran up to me.

'My Tallest! Are you alright? You shouted and something crashed!' I was in a foul enough mood already, but decided she might distract me.

'How did you know that?' I asked trying to be as hospitable as possible.

'I was waiting for you in –' My eyes widened in fear.

'You didn't hear what was being said did you?!' I asked frantically.

'No… I was in the tech staffroom down the hall.' She replied looking slightly scared.

'Oh good…' I said, relieved. Something struck me. 'Before, you said you'd known Zim…'

'Yes, in the Invader Academy.'

'Invader Academy? You were an Invader?'

'Yes, my planet was successfully taken over.' I narrowed my eyes; shouldn't she have been recorded in my PAK if she'd taken over a planet?

'What's your name?' I asked. I was slightly shocked that after spending the whole week with her I didn't know her name. But that was common for a Tallest.

'Tenn. My planet was Meekrob.'

'Meekrob? But my records say that Meekrob wasn't taken over by an Invader. It was surrendered.'

'Yes, that because _I_ didn't technically take over it. A whole bunch of malfunctioning SIR units caused the inhabitants to give in to the Irken Armada, thinking they'd stop the SIRs, but of course no one could and now all defective SIRs are put there and the Meekrobians are forced to make sure they don't escape. I was the Invader based there when the SIRs were accidentally sent.' Tenn said.

'Oh.' I said, not really caring that much. 'But you _did_ know Zim, then, for awhile?'

'Not too long, he was taken out of the Academy early because of his… destructive tendencies…'

'Then why do you still think he's got a good heart?'

'I think it was mainly bad luck and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.' She shrugged then looked embarrassed.

'Hmm. Was he– I mean, am _I_– Is there any way I might seem... Ah, actually don't worry...' I began asking her, but realised I had no idea what I would ask without revealing my true intentions. Or sounding like a maniac. I repressed a sigh. 'Good-bye, Tenn.' I said as I strode off, on a quest for information. Zim, I knew, had had a base on Earth…

* * *

After Zak had gone Tenn had stood in the hall for a moment, thinking about the strange questions he'd asked. First he'd laughed in her face when she'd voiced her opinion on Zim, then told her to leave. Now he was asking for her association with him. It was all very weird…

She walked back inside her own new office. Being promoted from just plain old technician to Big Boss Technician sure had been a surprise, but it had been even more of a surprise when she'd been practically working for the tallest Tallest. If you could count twenty seconds working for… Still, she was glad she'd opted out of the army when she'd had the chance so she could become a technician.

Suddenly, all the talk of Zim caused her eyes to well up with tears. Tenn had fallen in love with Zim a long time ago, when she'd first laid eyes on him in the academy. He'd never noticed her because she was a quiet achiever, but he certainly wasn't and everything he "achieved" had just made her even more smitten. He certainly did try his best, even if it didn't work out quite as planned every single time…

Zak reminded her of him, even though they could not be any further apart. Perhaps they could be friends at the least? Tenn sighed, she probably would never speak to him again.

* * *

(A/N): No, this is not going to be a romance! I just like having thoughts from all POV's. That's probably the biggest amount of romance you'll ever see in this story; a one sided Zim/Tenn. And Zim is "dead". And nope, Zak won't get involved at _all_ cause he'll be too busy being Tallest… I'm mean that way. :P She is what's know to me as a story supporter. Very little roll... XD

Wow, this is a long chapter.


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